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Archive for Februarie 2007

Some don^t know what happynes is.Most of them don^t realy know what pain is even when it hits them in the head. Even when they lose what^s the most precious thing to them they remein selfcenterd. Why do people cry when their loved ones die? Because they love them? no…. Because they miss them?maybe…Because they`re sorry for themselves that they don`t have that person to lean and depend on when times get tough?MOST DEFENETLY. That`s why I don`t cry at funerals…even when people say that I`m a cold hearted bitch,that is…. I mourn the dead in my own special way…and I never remember them in death ,but in Life….they way they smiled the way they talked…the way they realy were. This way they`ll never die, living in my memory forever…..as long as I can keep going. Greatings to all the dead.

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Ce este frumusetea si cand un lucru este cu adevarat frumos?

Un cer albastru, un nor, o culoare pot fi frumoase.Totodata estetica uratului a aratat ca si lucrurile grotesti pot fi frumoase…dar pentru a vedea lucrurile dintr-o astfel de perspectiva trebuie sa fii citit si sa fi fericitul posesor al abilitatii de a vedea dincolo de orbitarele aparente.

Cand inceteaza un lucru a fi urat sau obisnuit si devine frumos?Cand are culoarea sau forma adecavata?Trebuie sa fie lucrul potrivit la timpul potrivit?Trebuie sa fie nou si inovativ sau vechi, clasic, delicat?

Din pacate, lucrurile frumoase nu pot fi definite, sau nu asa cel putin. Bariera dintre urat si frumos e atat de subtire incat o trecem desori fara a ne da seama. Pe deasupra e suprarealista si absolut instabila. La fel de instabila ca si psihicul nostru. Pentru ca indiferent daca ne place s-o auzim sau nu, cei mai multi dintre noi au ceva ce scartaie la etaj, exact la nivelul materiei cenusii. Dar de labilitate psihica vom vorbi alta data.

Am gasit care poate caracteriza profund frumusetea…Subiectivitatea. Daca intalnim un lucru care din intamplare se potriveste in particular starii sufletesti in care ne aflam in momentrul respectiv, si in general personalitatii noastre ( si aici imi place sa cred ca toti oamenii au propria lor personalitate, desi nu e adevarat, multi asemanandu-se incredibil cu niste copii trase la indigo), acel lucru ni se poate parea frumos. Complicat nu credeti? E mult mai usor sa placi si sa alegi pur si simplu,nu credeti?

Alegerea facuta in necunostinta de cauza, sau ma rog, cvasi-necunostinta de cauza este cea mai usoara alegere.

Dar de cand am inceput noi sa ne intelegem propriile alegeri sau actiuni? Am putea pretinde ca le-am inteles vreodata?

N-as putea spune asta.

Ce pot sa spun cu siguranta e ca traim intr-o perpetua necunostinta de cauza. Nu stim cine suntem, unde mergem si nu stim de ce. Nu ne putem intelege pe noi insine si in mod definitiv si absolut nu-i putem intelege pe cei de langa noi, indiferent cat de mult ne place sa credem si sa afirmam contrariul. Cred ca traim intr-un fel instinctiv, si ca oricat ne-am lauda si ne-am fandosi adevaru adevarat spune ca n-am ajuns prea departe pe scara cunoasterii. Inchisi in propriul micul, privatul nostru mic univers suntem prea mari sa intelem lucrurile de baza si prea mici ca sa putem vedea situatia in ansamblu.

Cea mai mare iluzie cu care traim, Amanta nr.1 este ideea de Control.Noi ne contolam viata….Nimic mai fals….Dupa toate probabilitatile traim un rezultat al unui sir de alegeri facute aleator. Daca va e mai usor va puteti imagina un copac. La inceput e destul de usor pt ca altii aleg pt tine….pornind de la faptul ca Cineva are grija de genul tau, culoare ochilor, pana la ce primesti de mancare si cu ce esti imbracat la inceput.Dupa aceea incepe sa devina complicat.

Cand te ridici in picioare ,trebuie sa alegi in ce directie mergi, cand esti in patut cu ce jucarie ai sa te joci,etc.Cu fiecare alegere ramura se rasfrange.Ceelete ramuri se indeparteaza cu timpul tot mai mult pana ne ies din raza vizuala.Noi uitam ca aceste ramuri ( un posibil alt sine, o alta varianata de raspuns, alte raspunsuri la problemele de zi cu zi) ar fi existat vreodata, fiind prea preocupati sa culegem laurii de pe propria crenguta…ne bucuram pentru fiecare frunzulita si  suntem mandrii si umflati in pene cand reusim sa crestem o floare…Trist e ca nu avem nici o sansa de a ne da seama ca privim doar o floricica mica, pe o ramura doar putin mai mare, ce apartine unui copac imens ,inflorit in una din multele  livezi similare, in mijlocul unei alte frumoase primaveri.

Atat e de relativa viata…..microcosmos,macrocosmos, totul definit in fuctie de scara la care vrei sa gandesti.Interesant nu?

Macar de un adevar sunt absolut convinsa…..TOTUL ESTE RELATIV.

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I was thinking about LOVE lately.

Of what it was and what it has become.Is it the truth behind the story or the story behind the truth?

It might as well be both, providing the fact that it survives the 20th century.

Life is not what it used to be…and eventhough we haven`t been able to understand Love we`ve been trying to rip it apart for quite a while now.

We live a life totaly devoted to Money and sex ,a life in which Altruism is almost gone, and sincerity is dying.

We fall in love..than we can`t hold our grip on it because of our selfishness.We lose it and get hurt….sometimes realy badly.After that ,if we don`t commit suicide that is, we`re too afraid to open our selfs again,so we pass through life and relationships something like: see, like, take all you can get, appreciate, move on.The circle goes on and on…and leades to total unhapiness ,or numbness if you want. 

We forget that the only sure way to failure is by stop trying…..so we surrender ourselves to fear and quit.It^s easy not having to fight for it… but also it^s not fun at all.

I can`t help but wonder what happend to  kind sensitive people, happy marriages, and absorbing love?When have we been startying to lose these things?Was it before or after the Computer was invented?Has it anything to do with us EVOLVING?If yes than I want to REGRESS because I miss LOVE.I miss it with all my heart.And when I see how strange ,silent and sad the world has becom it hurts event harder.

So…are the big love stories and the terrific happy endings still around?

Probably yes. I`m sure that in the bottom of our hearts straight across the place where Hope lives lies the capabillity to love and cheerish, to make the big gesture.But the question is…who will get there faster: Death or you?

Just in case we miss it I put put my hopes in trying to get  able to forward some pure, deep kind of love at least when God we`ll be asking about it……Till than….I can`t stop but trying.

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Nobody stays 19 forever….too bad.Or not?

When your lucky number twenty something happens.You grow up in a sense of way.Sometimes it`s beautiful..but let`s face it….most of the times it`s awfully painfull.

I have no problem with growing up…hell! i have no problem with getting old either…Just that I don`t see it like others do.

Most of the time when I`m on the morning buss or on the train and the foggy windows block my view, for what it might sometimes look like forever, I draw smily faces and other funny stuff.Than I try to look outside through the tiny gap of my self centered self and try to see a diffrent world.

Mos of the time I get `Try to grow up!` sort of looks.They never see beyond the surface…they`ll never understant what`s laying on the other side of the steamy window and never will they see beyond the shell.

If growing up means to lose your freedom of mind,(subduued to believing only in that what you are told), be too afraid of life and gettind hurt to look the person who^s sitting across to you, smile and say hello, than I would gladly leave them the honour of bekoming old and wise and stay a child forever.

But that^s not posible and weather we like or not we do wake up one day all groen up.Some of us look in the mirror of their souls and are dissapointed in the fact that they`re not ble to recognise their own self anymore.To these people i have have only one advise.

Try to slow down!And maybe once in a while stop and smell the roses…you`ll be astound to find out that it`s spring or autumn, that the sky is so wanderfully blue.It feels good not to be chasing something for a change…trus me.

The other type are amesed by what a great job did life do with them.They`ve become people..real, live, happy people.people on which you can depend and trust,that kind of people that make your life beutiful too.

Meanwhile, for me growing up has meant learning to take every day as it comes and love it to the full. The world is as it is and it`s most beautiful for it.Each and every day that I get it`s a wonder of beauty.The sunshine, The people, a laugh, a track you like, a person that truly loves you, each are smoll miracles that walk silently beside us like shaddows…all the time…all the time.

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